Is love the most important factor in choosing a partner?

November 29, 2016
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How  really important and critical is love when choosing a partner to marry?  We all make several choices daily in life . From choosing important decisions like where to live, what career to chase, what car to buy etc to other decisions like what place to go for a vacation, choices remain one dynamic thing we need to keep doing in our lives.

In life, out of all the difficult decisions we have to make, everyone knows that choosing a spouse is not easy and the most difficult part is to spend all of the life with your spouse, to adjust with each other, to know feelings & emotions of each other, to care for each other, to be there for each other in difficult situations. When choosing a spouse, a lot of factors come to play- love, dreams, goals and aspirations, finances etc. But out of all these numerous factors, some people say love is the most important. How true is this?

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This post is dedicated to evaluating whether love is the most important factor in considering in choosing a partner. FAB decided to ask people, both single and unmarried what factor they think is the most important one. For the sake of privacy, names have been changed.

The question asked was “Is love the most important factor you’ll consider when choosing a partner?”

Excerpts;

Love ke? Never!. Is there anything like love? Love doesn’t mean anything. I’m still single, however when I’m ready for marriage, the most important thing I would consider is financial stability. I come from a background which isn’t so fortunate. My father died at a young age and my mother is a teacher who collects less than #50,000 as her salary. I don’t want my children to go through what I went through. My parents had so much problems and I noticed and realised that finances were the major cause. Due to this factor, I can never marry anyone who isn’t rich.

Temilade Adeoye (Youth Corp Member)

I have been married for close to 15 years, and with what I have seen love is the most important factor. Looks fades out, and Money can be lost. This is because in marriage, when problems arise, it gets really bad. In is only true love that makes everything stand. If you marry because of money, you’re shooting yourself in the head. Money would finish. What would you do in such a case? Run away from the marriage? Of course not! You’ll have to remain there to keep up appearances. It would only lead to you being miserable.

Engr Steven Okeke (Civil and Structural Engineer)

I think love is part of the important things but I don’t think it is the overall factor. Sometimes, love isn’t enough. Due to this, other factors like education, finances, religion etc should be put into consideration. I have been happily married for 27 years. In the first 5 years of my marriage, I learnt a lot. I was always quarrelling with my husband. This wasn’t because I didn’t love him. I wasn’t mature when I married him. I was fresh out of the University and because I didn’t want to go back to my father’s house, I married someone I loved. We’re happy now, but initially, it was rough.

Mrs Elohor Akhemife (Businesswoman)

I do not know what you mean by love, but I would tell you my story. I married my first wife because she was a very good cook, I married the second wife because she was much younger and she could satisfy me well. We all live together at home and I am satisfied with it. I don’t know if I love them, but I don’t hate them even though we have quarrels.

Alhaji Tanko Ahmed (Bureau de change operator)

Personally, the God factor, love and friendship are  the most important. When all other things like money, body features and other unrealistic thing fades, that is the only thing that remains and keeps the family going.

Adaeze Irofuala- (Marketing manager, Wema Bank PLC)

From these several opinions people have, it is obvious that it isn’t just one factor that is important.

Finding a partner with the same interest is crucial, it will help you both to come closer. Choosing a partner with same interest is very necessary. E.g. If you like to watch movies and your partner doesn’t, this will surely create some issues afterwards. So try to find someone, who shares many common interest with you.

Also, consider the religion. It isn’t advisable for couples with different religious beliefs to get married. It causes serious friction between the couple, and especially the children. The child would have to decide which faith to follow. This might cause resentment if a child doesn’t choose the faith of the other partner. Remember, a family that prays together, stays together.

Respect is also important. You can’t spend your life with someone who doesn’t respect you and your goals. So you should choose someone, who will encourage your to do what you want to and not find fault in what you do.

Your Partner Should Be Trustworthy as well. In this days and age, it is very important that you choose someone you can trust. You can’t lead a happy life, if your partner is not trustworthy.

Now, we have discussed some the things we think are really important and you have to keep in mind while choosing your spouse.

What are your thoughts? Drop them in the comment box!

 

All Comments

  • Love is very important to me. We cannot in any away ignore that fact. I think I’d not want to marry someone I dont love, even if its only the love of christ I have for that person. I’d like to start with that. But to say love doesnt matter, it his money..haahaa na story!

    Felicia Adams November 29, 2016 3:30 pm Reply
  • It makes a lot of sense. Although I disagree with some people. I believe ‘love’ is a verb and not a noun- contrary to what most people believe. If love is a feeling of butterflies or shaking knees then that would definitely fade away. I just think love is a choice. You need someone who is willing to work things out and vice versa and stay committed. Shared interests and goals are very important as its what brings you closer. Respect is also important to as it controls the way you’d handle conflict. Communication is extremely important too. So in a nutshell, I would say love, communication, mutual respect, values, goals are what one should look out for.

    Lady T November 29, 2016 5:16 pm Reply
  • I think you grow in love though. Either of two things: You marry without love, get to love yourselves better and grow in love or You go for love, get to know better personalities your partner has and love even more. It still favours both parties.

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