We married October 26, 2001. In January 2003, I would discover he was having an affair with a woman he built a home for with his company. Back then we didn’t have the social media we do now or texting to prove it. I only had a cell phone with her number all over it. She was married with small children. He denied it all but I knew. I was told, “Get over it or get out.” I stayed. I also made the mistake of, after seeing her number twice more on the phone. I was now just as guilty as my husband.
My ex was a builder for a local company and he loved what he did. In the fall of 2007 he was promoted to GM and they moved him to Ibadan from Port Harcourt. He was traveling 10-12 hours every weekend to come home. We were not getting along and we talked about splitting. I was not happy and I told him that. He acted as though he couldn’t see the problem.
In 2008, the company’s location was closing in Ibadan so they moved him to Lagos. He had a week to pack and he was gone. Once he left things miraculously changed. He loved the beach and sent me a picture of a heart he drew in the sand. I remained in Port Harcourt with all the kids. He would travel home once a month and the opposite months I would fly to see him. It was wonderful when I went to visit him. It was like we were dating again, just the two of us and the sex was incredible!
We made the decision after six months that I would move with my daughter to join him. Things went well for awhile then, as a few years passed, I noticed the changes. He was right back the way he was before. Both of us were struggling and sought out medical help, and when he went on medication things again seemed to be on level ground with our marriage.
During our marriage we had both gained weight. We were trying to live healthier lifestyles. He decided with his “new” body he didn’t want to take his medication anymore, and things went downhill from there.
In August 2013 he took a business trip. He came home and told me to sit down as he had to tell me something. He then told me a story about how he, his two builders and his female sales rep and his sales coordinator (just hired a month before the trip) went out one night. All were married except one builder. The sales lady went back to the room and the others went out to another place. My husband told me that he dropped the men off after midnight, but the next day one of the men didn’t arrive back until 4 AM, implying that he was with the customer coordinator. I didn’t know what to say, the story didn’t seem to make sense. My husband was the only one with a room alone, and my gut told me he was the one who ended up with the woman, and that he was trying to cover his own ass and hide his secret.
I left for an overseas trip in October.
We didn’t discuss divorce before my trip. When I left he ended up getting caught rolling in at 4 AM by my daughter and things spiraled from there. We didn’t talk the 10 days I was gone. When he picked me up at the airport he said we were done. No explanation. I cried all the way home and for weeks after trying to unravel what had just happened.
Late one night before I moved out, I decided to drive past his work when he told me he had a business dinner. I saw the two cars in his work parking lot. I eventually found the texts between the two of them on his work phone.
When I moved he signed my lease so I could use his income to help me rent. When I met with the estate agent who was leasing me the home, he told me his story of how his ex wife cheated on him and took his entire 3 million naira savings. I asked the him her name – and the she was my husbands mistress! She had remarried and had a small son. In a town of over 100, 000 people I end up renting a home from her ex husband.
In January 2014 I got a promotion at work and met a lady a floor below who works in a different practice for the same company. Guess who she is? HER MOTHER! I could not make this up if I tried. I have never even told her what her daughter did. It’s been hard at times as I so want to tell her.
He gave me excuses of why he cheated. One was my weight. I was heavier but not huge. The woman he cheated on me with is a larger woman, much larger than I am. I was shocked. She is also 12 years younger. She remains married and working for him yet they are not together, or so he says. I ran into her in a restaurant several months ago, she looked at the floor. I did not approach her, she is not worth it.
Since then, I’ve been dealing with my divorce and I can say it’s going on smoothly, but it is very difficult.