When you have a great husband, it is only natural for you to expect or predict that he’d become a great father too. However, when your first baby enters the family, you become extremely over-protective, so much to the extent that you start feeling as if your husband doesn’t know how to raise your kids. This is a completely natural and understandable behavior.
It’s not that you start hating your husband or anything; but your over-protective and over-possessive qualities as a mother make you believe that only you know the best for your child, and that your method of parenting is what will do good.
In such cases, your husband might either become under confident in terms of handling the child, or may subconsciously distance himself from the baby thinking that he is not meant for it. Before this happens and it leads to arguments or fights, or causes your husband to feel sad and upset, make sure that you create a good atmosphere at home where he can come across as a great father. Create opportunities for him to become a good father, and always be there by his side to support what he does. Here are some things that you can do to make your husband a good father.
Yes, he’s not born with the ability of changing diapers quickly, and will end up messing the baby food mixture the first few times. But let’s admit the fact that even women mess up doing such things the first few times even if they get a hold of them quickly. The best way to handle this is to keep giving chances to your husband so that he can learn from his own experience. It’s his baby too, so he will never do something that will harm the child. But you’ve got to trust him and give him chances to devise his own methods of dealing with things and becoming a good parent.
If there are situations in which you feel that you are the one with more knowledge and experience, then involve your husband to be a part of the exercise and learn things from you, rather than acting all independent and saying that you will do it by yourself. Yes, you can do it all by yourself, and probably faster too if you do it that way. But you’ve got to involve him in the process and let him learn something and feel happy that he too is contributing to the upbringing of his child.
If you disapprove of something that he is teaching the kids or telling them, then make sure that you address the issue later on, and not in front of the kids. That way, the kids do not lose their respect for their father, and think of him as a great daddy. And in cases when he is genuinely doing something right, praise him as a good father in front of the kids, so that they can feel happy about it. You’ve got to set the right image of him in front of your kids, so that the harmony in the house is maintained.
If it’s been more than 3 years that your baby has entered the family, and your husband has still not thought of a savings plan for the child, then don’t be upset with him. Instead, tell him that it’s the right thing to do, and that you both must now look into it. Sometimes, husbands and fathers don’t know what all comes in their share of responsibility. They are not born with some superhuman tendencies that they can get to know the right things all in one go. You need to be there to gently remind them about what they should be doing and make them aware of it, and should be supportive, rather than being cranky and nagging about it.
Every family is different, and every couple has their own way of raising a child. No other family’s technique will work for you, just like yours won’t work for them. It’s on you to devise your own way of parenting and raising good kids. And in that process, you need to rework the kind of expectations you have from your partner. It’s not necessary that every married man on this planet knows how to raise kids perfectly.
Each person handles the situation differently, and you can’t be expecting too much or too little from your partner. You need to understand things that he’s good at and be appreciative of those, and also understand things that he’s not good at and take them under your supervision. Make a healthy distribution of work and duties to raise the kids rather than imposing tasks on him that may not be his cup of tea.
It’s simple. If he’s the one good at Math, then let him teach the kids that subject and you teach them English, rather than forcing your husband to supervise all the subjects for your kids’ homework. That way, he is doing a perfect job on what he is good at, and is earning respect and admiration from the kids. Soon, you will realize that making your husband a good father is like a process that also improves your understanding of each other and makes you a better couple. Communication is essential, and helps to sort most things. Keeping grudges or being rude to each other will only create a negative environment at home that will not be good for the kids.