When confronted with disrespect, it’s easy to take it personally. This is a normal reaction from a passionate man. But it’s a colossal mistake, because when you take your wife’s misbehavior personally, you’re likely to react in ways that managing that woman much more difficult. Your leverage and influence will then plummet right along with her misbehavior.
If, however, you can refrain from doing what comes naturally, then you can hold your disrespectful woman accountable and still retain your ability to influence future behavior.
Lose the Battle, Not the War
When a woman is disrespectful to you, you have to be willing to lose the battle. In other words, you must resist the urge to admonish, scold, lecture, get even, or otherwise attempt to put the woman in her place.
Let it Go
Disrespect comes from a place inside the woman that has nothing to do with you. So let it go, and don’t take it personally. Your job is to help the her see the error of her ways so that it doesn’t happen again.
Take a deep breath to quell any angry feeling rising up inside of you. Remind yourself that you’ll be much more effective, and the situation will go much smoother, if you maintain emotional control.
IN the immediate moments following the incident, don’t say a word. Simply maintain eye contact with the woman and wait. Let her words hang in the air for several seconds, leaving no doubt about what was said, how it was said, or who is responsible for saying it.
It’s important not to escalate the situation, but to end it as quickly as possible. Your pause and unwillingness to react is unnerving and will leave the woman devoid of anything to say. As soon as you break eye contact and walk away, the incident is over.
Refrain from enforcing a consequence — for now. Just continue on with whatever you were doing. Leave the woman standing there, unsure of what to do. It’s always bet to get back to normalcy as quickly as possible. Otherwise, her emotions will take over, preventing rational discussion.
Proceed with your day as if nothing happened. Don’t approach the woman. Don’t try to talk to her about what happened. Don’t do anything until you’re confident that the woman has mentally moved on from the situation.
As soon as the woman is calm and the incident is forgotten, approach and deliver your consequence. Be frank and honest about your perceptions of her behavior.
Let remorse set in
When you handle disrespect this way, without lecturing or scolding or taking it personally, even the most obstinate woman will be affected by her mistake. So much so that you’re likely to get a sincere and unforced apology.
By following these steps, you can turn your wife’s disrespect into a memorable lesson. The steps work because they heap the entire burden of responsibility on the woman’s shoulders, with none of it clinging to you.
She can’t blame you or be resentful of you, thus undermining the lesson — because you didn’t try to get even. You didn’t have to win the battle. You didn’t yell, threaten, scold, or lower yourself to the same level of disrespect.
You kept your cool and allowed accountability to work, which is the right thing to do for both you and your woman.